i 'fell' yet again. and i think i 'fell' even harder this time that i possibly left a black mark in my nursing career ):

i could not accept the plain fact that i actually made such a mistake despite trying to be most careful at all times. but well, this just means im not being careful enough.

it set me back yet again. whenever i met with a failure, i always blame myself for not being up to standard. and when i 'fall' due to my own failure to strive, i m upset. upset about the simple fact that i was not able to strive, but even more on the people i disappoint due to my failure to strive. i let people who has high hopes and trust in me down yet again. i hate this feeling of not being able to be of up to standards to people who has high hopes in me :0

tears definitely rolled like crazy. and yeah. im thankful i have someone so dear in my life that never fails to encourage me and cheer me up. yes, MR YONG CHOON LIANG!

"no words can describe how touched i was with what you have done for me. all these while i might have hurt you one way or another, made you worried more than anything. but yeah, im really surprised at what you have done for me today after knowing that im not in the best mood. thanks for taking the time off, thanks for the surprise sent to my ward.thanks for spending the evening with me no matter how tired you are already. no words can describe what i feel. but im just really glad that i met you in my life.i promise to pick myself up from this fall as soon as i can.but i do need a little while. THANK YOU FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE AND TREASURING ME. I LOVE YOU (:"

like for every experience, i have to pick myself up yet again. but this time round i dont know how long i will be set back. it is a mistake that is just lingering in my mind now. and it just doesnt goes off as long as im left alone and i just kept thinking why am i so stupid. i know i need to stay strong and pick myself up, but i believe this is going to take awhile and some hard work.

meanwhile, i just pray my eyes stay dry for as long as possible (: